Bone Marrow Needle Biopsies Are Fun!!

Nurse Practioner:  "Are you comfortable?"

Brian:  "As comfortable as a guy can be with two strange women looking at his rear end."

NP (cheerily):  "We've got two more coming!"

And they did.  So began my procedure today.  She then asked me what I do, and after I told her that I'm the chairman of the Chemistry Department at BJU she began to confess her historical experiences in chemistry courses (beginning with high school).  I absolved her of everything.

They swabbed me (well, part of me, anyway) with some kind of iodine solution, sprayed the target zone with something cold, stuck a needle in the bull’s-eye, and then injected me with lidocaine.  And I began thinking about the fact that lidocaine affects ion channels in neurons.  It was clear that the NP was teaching one of the other nurses how to do the anesthesia.  I felt considerably better after the NP told me that she would be the one to do the actual biopsy.

After the relevant portion of my rump was thoroughly numb, the NP inserted a needle and pushed it into my pelvis.  An odd feeling was followed by some pain as she aspirated bone marrow through the needle, which I'm pretty sure must have been at least 1-2 inches in diameter.  She said that I am "a giver," meaning that it was easy to get the bone marrow out.  There are some people where it's difficult to get it out and, well, I suppose they have to call Roto Rooter in assist.  It’s a little strange listening to four medical personnel discuss your procedure as they perform it while at the same time occasionally joining in the conversation.

She prepped some slides for pathology and then pushed the needle in deeper and aspirated some more.  Whew, we were finally done with the hard part.  The procedure wasn't really that painful: it was the idea of the thing that bothered me and gave me the willies.  She pulled the needle out, they bandaged me up (“keep it dry for 24 hours”), and helped me roll over and sit back up.  After getting off the table and standing up I thought I’d have a little fun and so I said, “I feel like I’m going to faint.”  Everyone became concerned.  They felt much better after I told them that I was kidding.

That’s one more thing off my bucket list, and I highly recommend that you add it to yours.