Reputation

Air contains a variety of chemical components that range from water vapor and carbon dioxide to the stench of cigarette smoke and the odor of Aunt Mable’s perfume.  About 78% of it consists of nitrogen molecules, N₂.  Oxygen molecules, O₂, make up another 21%.

Chemical reactions involve the transformation of substances into new substances.  Oxygen is highly reactive, and that’s why we need it:  O₂ is used in important chemical reactions in our bodies.  Unlike O₂, under normal circumstances N₂ is not very chemically reactive.  That is, N₂ does not readily combine with other things to form new substances, and this is one reason why we can inhale it without any negative effects.

N₂ is, however, the culprit in nitrogen narcosis, in which scuba divers at significant depths experience a type of anesthetic effect caused by inhaling nitrogen at high pressure.  Not surprisingly, nitrogen narcosis can lead to irrational behavior.  These effects are easily remedied by rising to shallow depths where the pressure of the inhaled N₂ is lower, but rising too rapidly leads to decompression sickness (the bends), where nitrogen and other gases form bubbles throughout the body.  This can lead to pain, itching, nausea, vomiting, and a wide range of other unpleasant effects (including death).  Although nitrogen narcosis and the bends can be very serious, they appear to involve only the physical properties of nitrogen and not its chemical behavior.  N₂ is rather stable and just doesn’t react chemically under normal circumstances.

There are, however, other circumstances.  In the Haber-Bosch process, for example, nitrogen and hydrogen molecules are forced to react at high temperature and high pressure to produce ammonia molecules.  This process forms the basis of producing synthetic nitrogen fertilizers.  While there are pros and cons of using such fertilizers, it is a simple fact that at this point in time the Haber-Bosch process is so important to agriculture that abandoning it would lead to widespread starvation and death.  Natural nitrogen fixation also converts nitrogen and hydrogen to ammonia.  Rather than occurring in large chemical plants, it takes place in microorganisms primarily located in nodules on the roots of legumes such as soybeans and peanuts.  Natural nitrogen fixation, however, is not currently providing enough nitrogen to agriculture to feed everybody on planet earth.

In other exceptional circumstances, such as those found in internal combustion engines, N₂ and O₂ react with each other to form NO (nitrogen monoxide or nitric oxide) and NO₂ (nitrogen dioxide).  NO and NO₂ are known collectively as NO_x (where x is either one or two) or simply as NOx.  NOx contributes to a variety of bad things including an increased incidence of asthma and the formation of photochemical smog.  Diesel engines run at higher temperatures than gasoline engines, and as a result diesel engines produce more NOx.

Several technologies exist for almost completely eliminating NOx from the exhaust of diesel engines, but they add to the cost of building the car.  They can add more cost in consumables for the consumer (and more inconvenience) and can decrease engine performance and fuel economy.  Because NOx contributes to serious problems, there are pollution standards that automobile manufacturers must comply with.  If a car model produces too much NOx, then the manufacturer won’t be allowed to sell it.  This is where Volkswagen cheated.

VW engineers knew that their “clean diesel” TDI engines wouldn’t meet NOx emission standards while also getting maximum power and fuel economy.  Their solution, if you can call it that, gave the car the ability to detect when the exhaust was being tested for NOx emissions.  During exhaust tests the car would automatically adjust settings so that it would pass the test.  When the car determined that the test was over, it would change settings so that the diesel engine would achieve maximum power and the car would get optimum fuel economy.  Of course, it was now emitting illegal levels of NOx.  VW got away with this until some researchers at West Virginia University did some real world testing on VW TDI cars and found that the emissions weren’t in the allowable range.  Volkswagen has since confessed that worldwide roughly 11 million vehicles (including some from other brands in the VW group, such as Audi and Porsche) have this engineering cheat built into them.  Many loyal—or perhaps in some cases formerly loyal—customers feel betrayed.  A news article posted at the time of this writing indicated that during November of 2015 the sales of VW vehicles in the U.S. had dropped by 25% compared to November of 2014.  In the U.K. sales dropped 20%.  This represents a big loss of both revenue and profit for one of the biggest automobile manufacturers in the world.

 “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches….”

(Proverbs 22:1 ESV)

Good name has the sense of reputation, and Solomon certainly knew what he was talking about.  Both VW engineers and management took what appears to have been a calculated gamble, but in so doing they sacrificed both personal integrity and corporate reputation in exchange for what turned out to be profits on some cars for about seven years.  They have a lot of cars to fix, and they are going to spend a lot of money dealing with law suits and paying government fines.  VW’s reputation has been shredded, and management is desperately trying to minimize the damage and rebuild trust.  Yes, a good reputation is worth a great deal, and it is worth taking great pains to protect it.

God has a reputation, too, and some verses refer to it.  For example, David said,

 “But you, O GOD my Lord,

deal on my behalf for your name's sake;

because your steadfast love is good, deliver me!”

(Psalms 109:21 ESV)

David is appealing to God on the basis of His reputation.  It’s like saying, “God, what will people think of you if you don’t deliver me?”  Solomon also said,

 “The name of the LORD is a strong tower;

the righteous man runs into it and is safe.”

(Proverbs 18:10 ESV)

A strong tower is a structure that prevents the bad guys from harming you.  How is it possible for God’s reputation to be a strong tower?  Consider what Jesus said:

“Look at the birds of the air:

they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns,

and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

Are you not of more value than they?”

(Matthew 6:26 ESV)

God won’t abandon us, either:

“…He has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

 (Hebrews 13:5 ESV)

He put his reputation on the line when he said these things.  What will people think if he fails us?  What will they say?  God’s reputation is always at stake, and he always take steps to protect it.  You can rest assured that he will honor his promises.  “God, what will people think of you if you don’t help me in this situation?”

“In the event that you should need oxygen…”

Storms in the southeast had delayed flights just enough so that David and I just missed our 8:50 pm flight from Atlanta to Greenville/Spartanburg.  Because of this we had been rebooked to 9:00 am on the following day.  It was going to be a long night if we went to our plan C, which was to rent a car and drive back.  Plan B was to fly standby.  David, a biology professor at BJU, talked with the nice lady at the counter in Atlanta and thankfully she was able to get us tickets on the last flight out, which didn’t leave the terminal until about 11:15 pm.  This was still better than driving.  I had a window seat next to the left wing, and it was right by one of the emergency exits.  The flight attendant told us how the door worked and asked the three of us in that row if we were able and willing to use it and to assist others in the event of an emergency.  After agreeing, my mind drifted off to Flight 1549 and how Captain Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger had landed it safely in the Hudson River.  Again I was filled with admiration for his skill, and again I saw the open emergency doors with people climbing out onto the wing, waiting to be rescued.

We were returning from a conference in Grand Rapids, MI.  The lines back in the Gerald R. Ford International Airport hadn’t been bad at all.  After just a few minutes I stuck my cell phone onto the boarding pass scanner and proceeded with the usual drill.  Off came the shoes, and they were joined with my laptop in the gray plastic tray.  I pulled out all the containers of liquids and put them into another tray, and then I added the contents of my pockets.  After shoving both trays, my laptop case, and my carry-on bag into the tunnel I stepped back into position for my personal security scan.

The TSA security officer told me to stand on the yellow footprints on the outside of the scanner and asked me, “Have you emptied your pockets?”  I answered in the affirmative.  “Sir, what is that in your shirt pocket?”  My shirt was dark brown with faint tan stripes—please believe me when I say that it looks much better than it sounds—and sticking out was the end of the receipt from my supper, the white paper shining brightly against the brown background.  Yes, I knew it was there, but I thought it didn’t matter.  After all, I had on a belt with a metal buckle, a metal watch with a metal band, a metal wedding ring, glasses with metal around the lenses with metal embedded in the temples, and to complete the ensemble a healthy dose of titanium metal tubes and screws connecting my L1-L3 lumbar vertebrae.  Surely a little piece of paper could be ignored.  “A receipt,” I replied.  TSA Man was rather loud and insistent:  “Sir, that’s something in your pocket!  Stand up here in the scanner, you can hold it in your hand, and put your hands up here!”  Somewhere in the background my supportive colleague was busting up.  I proceeded to do everything that TSA Man told me to do—exactly as he said to do it.  I began to wonder if I would ever realize my dreams of a career as a TSA security screener.

Next on the agenda were the usual pre-flight safety spiels from the flight attendants.  You know, the ones about wearing seatbelts, not smoking, and how you would get into really big trouble if you vandalized the smoke detector by the toilet.  I made up my mind to not do that.  And then one of the attendants said, “In the event that you should need oxygen during this flight, an air mask will drop down and….”  The chemist immediately thought, “In the event that I should need oxygen?  I always need oxygen.”

Others things that we always need include clean water, food, clothing, and shelter.  We need money to get these, and to get money we need to use our abilities.  Of course, we also need intangibles such as companionship, love, and forgiveness.

·       We look to the material world to satisfy our physical needs.  John tells us of Christ’s role:  “All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made.” (John 1:3, ESV)

·       Paul speaks of all that we have, including our abilities:  “What do you have that you did not receive?” (I Corinthians 4:7, ESV)

·       Our need to understand our significance in the world is satisfied only if we take God at his word:  “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.’” (Genesis 1:27, ESV)

·       We crave purpose in life.  There are many, of course, but two of the highest are to glorify God and worship him:  “Who will not fear, O Lord, and glorify your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship you, for your righteous acts have been revealed.’” (Revelation 15:4, ESV)

·       Don’t we need peace in our hearts?  Christ responds:  “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.” (John 14:1, ESV)

·       What about those times when no person can meet your need?  “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” (James 1:17, ESV)

In the event that you should need anything, turn to God.

Private

The first drop hit my right arm when I was about a quarter of a mile from home, and I thought it was from the southern yellow pine trees over me.  A half mile later a gentle sun shower began and the wind strengthened.  Before long it was a steady rain, but it was such a nice evening that I figured I’d keep walking anyway.  How bad would it get?  After another 15 minutes the sun was reaching out to the horizon behind me, and in front a double rainbow framed part of a fenced-in field.  No one else was around, and so I enjoyed the show in private.  The water dripped from my hair and spotted my glasses; I wouldn’t have seen this if I had been nice and dry at home.  Not bad at all.

At the far edge of the field, probably about 75 yards away, I noticed an unusual optical distortion in front of the trees.  It was in line with the bottom of the right side of the bright rainbow, and it was colored.  The color wasn’t uniform, and I suddenly realized that I was looking at the end of the rainbow.  It was dim; the main part was brighter but appeared to be farther off in the distance and ended at the top of the trees.  My first thought was of Patrick, my Irish friend and colleague.  Alas, there was no pot of gold—only grass and dirt. 

Rainbows happen when raindrops cause a combination of sunlight refraction, reflection, and dispersion.  I would not have seen the end of this rainbow had it not been for the large number of raindrops between me and the other side of the field, and I was in just the right position relative to the sun to observe it.  This may have been a first in my life, and it was still a completely private event.  I didn’t take any pictures with my cellphone until the rain around me and in the field had stopped almost completely, and by then the end of the rainbow was gone.  The two bows were still such a striking sight that the guy who usually rockets past me in the white BMW 325i station wagon actually slowed way down.  Either that or his wife was admonishing him to be careful near the pedestrian snapping photos.

Once again I was reminded of God’s words to Noah.  I was moved by the beauty, and deeply touched that God had providentially provided me with this unexpected gift.  In my private thoughts I worshipped my Creator.

Not all of my thoughts are so rosy.  Do you ever have times of mental turmoil?

David was unusually gifted in that he not only communicated his thoughts clearly, but also as poems that can be sung.  About half of the psalms are attributed to him, and many reveal that he was a profoundly emotional man, prone to discouragement and mental uneasiness.  He said this:

 “Trust in Him at all times, O people;

pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us.”

(Psalm 62:8)

Pour out your heart before Him.  Picture this as water gushing out of a pitcher; the meaning is that you should fully express your complaints and desires to God.  One does not do this to inform Him of anything—He already knows what is in our hearts and minds—but sharing our most intimate thoughts with God does demonstrate our dependence on Him, and it also deepens the relationship.  Do you want a deeper relationship with God?

For me this process is intensely private, but as David says, God can be trusted at all times.  And you can do this morning, noon, or night.  Agitated? Anxious? Discouraged? Embarrassed? Fed up? Sad? Stressed out? Upset? Weary? Worried?  Pour out your heart before Him.  If you know God and are willing to accept His ways, then He will comfort you, and the turmoil will evaporate.

Public

Dunkin Donuts are near and dear to my heart, and they were invented in eastern Massachusetts about an hour from where I was born and raised.  Most of their donuts are great, but quite frankly they can’t make a glazed donut to save their lives.  Not even close.  The glazed Krispy Kreme donut is one of the culinary wonders of the southeast.  When you see the neon sign lit up and you smell the odor of fresh Krispy Kremes (as we sometimes call them) you understand why Pavlov’s dogs slobbered so much.  Oh yes, and for 17 years we lived only about a mile from one of these places.

If you’ve never had the opportunity to watch these hot babies coming out of the fryer on the automated assembly line, well, then you’ve missed out on a real treat.  Out they march, line by line, and enter the automated frosting machine.  It’s a mesmerizing sight, broken only by the sound of the growling stomachs reminding you of why you stopped by in the first place.  If you get there at the right time, they’ll pack them up in a box when they are so hot that some of the glazing will run down the sides and form a neat little puddle around each one.  And when you eat them a few minutes later, ohhhhhh, they are soooo smooth, and fantastically sweet. They are unlike any other donut, and fresh warm ones really do melt in your mouth.  The public is welcome here, and oh boy, do they take advantage of it.

The last CT scanner I saw looked just like a giant Krispy Kreme.  I was placed on a table, injected with a contrast agent to enhance the image, and then slowly moved by a motor back and forth in the donut hole.  Once again I listened to the voice telling me when to breathe and when to hold my breath, but at least this time she sounded nice.  X-rays bombarded my abdominal and pelvic regions in order to image the lymph nodes to see if any of them looked abnormal.  This is so much fun that I’m surprised that nobody has put these things at amusement parks.  As a member of the public I interacted with various people before and after the procedure.  On this particular day I arrived at the facility at about 7 am, early enough that shortly before my test one lady was busily restocking various kinds of supplies.  She told me that her job was important, and she illustrated it by telling me that people would come looking for her when they ran out of toilet paper.  I was completely convinced.

Public places and public facilities are those open to all people and are often paid for with public money (a.k.a. tax dollars).  Boston is a charming city and it collects a great deal of public money.  If you ever get there, then I highly recommend that you walk the Freedom Trail.  It weaves its way past sixteen sites of historical significance, and you’ll pass by the Boston Common, which is older than any other public city park in the United States. 

And then there is public recognition.  This year’s Vintage (the BJU yearbook) was dedicated to my good friend Grace Collins Hargis.  Roughly 3,000 people were in attendance, and we briefly fêted her significant academic training and remarkable career.  At the time of this writing she is on a trip to a remote village to help analyze the tribal language, plan an alphabet, and contribute to the development of a program to teach reading and writing.  By the way, she has been teaching on the university level for 53 years.  Outstanding service merits this kind of public commendation; I don’t know if there has ever been a more deserving candidate than she.

Public praise should not be limited to people.  The psalmist David, whom God Himself appraised as a man after His own heart (Acts 13:22), said the following:

“I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;

I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;

I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness

from the great congregation.”

(Psalm 40:10)

PET and CT scans done in 2014 showed cancerous lymph nodes sprinkled in multiple places only on my neck and some on my right shoulder.  Here is the current situation:

·       The lymph nodes examined with the Krispy Kreme lymph scans are normal and for now I can continue without treatment.  If you’re unfamiliar with the idea of having cancer and not being treated for it, then you can read my explanation in A Rattle In An Old Car.

·       I’m feeling good.  I’ll continue to be tested a few times each year, but currently I’m doing so well that I don’t need to see my oncologist until November.  Unless I have some symptoms indicating that bad things are happening, I won’t have to have another body scan this year.

·       I had a great school year.  I expected the 2014-15 academic year to be exceptionally difficult, but it was one of the best years I’ve had in quite some time.

God continues to be with me.  In addition to blessing me with a stable physical condition, He has given me spiritual, mental, and emotional strength that has far exceeded my expectations.  He continues to use my circumstances as a tool to instruct me in His ways, and He is also using them in the lives of others.  God and God alone is responsible for keeping me at peace.  He is compassionate and powerful, and He is actively involved in my life on a daily basis.  You don’t get this unless you know God.

Uncertainty

“I’m really burned out on my research.  Is there something else I can work on for a while?”  So began my conversation with Steve Schulman, the professor with whom I was working while earning my Ph.D. in pharmaceutical sciences from the University of Florida.  He grinned at me, spun his office chair around, grabbed several bottles of obscure chemicals off a shelf behind his desk, handed them to me, and said, “Study these.”  After discussing a few things with him I thought, “OK, this sounds better.”  Each chemical was of questionable purity, and so step one was to purify them.  I commenced with recrystallization and then moved on to preparative column chromatography.  When all was said and done I had isolated beautiful crystals of each chemical, and my analysis of them demonstrated that they were pure.  This was enjoyable and relaxing, and I commenced acquiring spectra of them.  I measured how much visible and ultraviolet light each absorbed, and then measured their fluorescence properties.  By this point in my graduate education I was pretty good at this kind of work, and our laboratory instruments were working beautifully.

“This is strange,” I thought as I looked at the fluorescence spectrum of 9-aminofluorene.  There was an odd feature that raised a red flag.  “Is this stuff really pure?”  So I did some more analysis.  Trust me, it was pure, but we had some work to do in order to explain why that unusual feature was there.  Steve suggested that I repeat the fluorescence measurements with 9-aminofluorene dissolved in different solvents.  That turned out to be a great idea, and I observed that the wavelengths at which the anomalous feature occurred varied regularly with the properties of the liquid that the chemical was dissolved in.  I won’t bore you with all of the details, but ultimately we explained this discovery by proposing the existence of an excited-state twisted intramolecular charge transfer conformer and published the results in the journal Chemical Physics Letters in June of 1982.  This about a year before I completed my graduate program.  I felt rejuvenated, I went back to my main research project, and we all lived happily ever after.  In other words, we published a series of articles dealing with my “real” research.  Consequently, my dissertation was pretty well bulletproof when I defended it orally before the professors on my graduate committee.  They still made me sweat out in the hall for what seemed like an eternity (a whole 20 minutes), but then my professor came out and congratulated me.  Oh, the sweet taste of victory!!  My nightmares about graduate school persisted for only a few more years; by then bad dreams about teaching college chemistry had set in.

How many kinds of scientific observations did I make during the “I need a break” project?  I visually observed each chemical before purifying it, and there were telltale signs that impurities were present.  I also visually observed multiple colored bands during the column chromatography experiments that informed me about impurities.  Analyzing the absorption and emission of light by the purified 9-aminofluorene with spectrometers told me things that humans can’t detect with their senses.  Nevertheless, we still call these measurements “observations.”

Every observation we make is limited either by the ability of the observer or the technology being used.  In other words, every observation has some uncertainty built into it.  Scientists can estimate uncertainty using statistical models.  For example, when determining how much ultraviolet light a chemical absorbs at a particular wavelength we can estimate how well we can measure both the wavelength and the extent of light absorption.  Of course, the fact that we can make such estimates does not mean that we understand everything contributing to the uncertainty.  Please note that this is not the same thing as Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, but I’ll leave that discussion to you and your local quantum theory scientist.

There is also uncertainty in entire scientific theories.  Scientists that develop a theory have confidence that they are on the right track, but sometimes others disagree.  Theories are not widely accepted unless they explain a lot of observations.  It’s easy to understand why scientists that have invested their lives in developing a theory aren’t easily won over to an alternative.  In such cases it takes both evidence and a better theory to convince them that they are wrong.  Thomas Kuhn’s book The Structure of Scientific Revolutions does a fine job of explaining how this process works.  It also demonstrates that sometimes scientists are very wrong about things that they are very certain are very right.

Life’s circumstances present us with uncertainties.  Here are a few examples:

·       When will that noisy engine idler pulley seize up and have to be replaced?  Will I get stranded in the parking garage at school?  Will it just die in traffic?  Can it cause an accident?  A good mechanic can fix this in a jiffy, and then the uncertainty will evaporate.

·       When will I get a job?  Not so easy.

·       When I retire, will I have enough money to pay for medical bills?  Also not so easy.

And then there are uncertainties in relationships:

·       What is she thinking?  Does she like me?  Will I be able to see her again?

·       Why did he say that?  Why did he say it the way he did?  Will he ever understand me?

How do you cope with thoughts like this?  In almost 35 years of marriage to Carla I have found that she is very good at giving people the benefit of the doubt.  I like the way the Cambridge Idioms Dictionary defines it:  “To believe something good about someone, rather than something bad, when you have the possibility of doing either.”  Several weeks ago I discussed a situation with two people.  John (not his real name) immediately reacted very forcefully and emphatically stated (rather loudly), “What Brian said is not right!  It is…” and gave his version of things.  As it turned out, he had more recent knowledge than I did, but I was still taken aback by his reaction. Couldn’t he have explained it more nicely?  I thought his reaction might have been influenced by his circumstances.  And I also remembered that Carla has said, “Brian, sometimes you come across in ways that you don’t realize.”  Perhaps I came across to John in some way that elicited his negative reaction.  I chose to think these things about him rather than, “John is a jerk.”  The beautiful thing about giving him the benefit of the doubt is that I was able to relax and dismiss negative thoughts from my mind.

In a few weeks I’m going to have pelvic and abdominal CT scans in order to see if any lymph nodes look abnormal.  If they do, then I expect that Joe (Stephenson, my oncologist) and I will discuss treatment options.  If they don’t, then I expect that we’ll continue watchful waiting.  I have no way of predicting what will happen.  As I’ve shared before, it’s expected that my follicular lymphoma will at some time become more aggressive and require treatment.  Timeframe: Unknown.  None of us like these kinds of uncertainties.  Against this backdrop it seems odd that Christ said this:

 “Let not your hearts be troubled.”

(John 14:1)

This puts some responsibility for my state of mind squarely into my court.  As strange as it may sound to some, I personally know God.  Although I am familiar with who he is and how he thinks, there are still times when he does things that I don’t understand.  Nevertheless, he always has good reasons for what he does and what he allows to happen, even if that includes my getting cancer.  I’m giving God the benefit of the doubt.