The Cancer Couple

“I probably have leukemia,” said Carla. I sat still, stunned and speechless, which in my case doesn’t happen very often. Deep breath.

She had gone to a doctor, and a blood test showed that there were way more lymphocytes (a type of white blood cell) in her blood than normal. A second blood test confirmed it. She has since had a PET (positron emission tomography) scan to assess whether it is affecting her liver or spleen, and, thank the Lord, it is not. That scan also demonstrated that, while she has a moderate number of affected nodes, only some of them are significantly enlarged. This turns out to be stage 1 CLL (chronic lymphocytic leukemia), which simply means that both the lymphocyte level is up and there are some enlarged lymph nodes. Her oncologist—it’s odd for me to be using that phrase—essentially said that, if you have to have leukemia, this is the type to have. Carla is almost completely asymptomatic. While she has some swollen lymph nodes, she does not feel like she has cancer. She is neither anemic nor are her platelet levels low. Many CLL patients never have to be treated, and many die of completely unrelated conditions. Consequently, Carla and her doctor will be doing what is called watchful waiting, which is what I’m doing with my oncologist. Thank the Lord that we are in this position, rather than dealing with acute cancer.

Here are three things that I’ve been thinking about. First, as I did when I was diagnosed with follicular lymphoma, I asked the Lord if this diagnosis was the result of sin in my life. Self-examination, when it isn’t excessively introspective, is a good practice for a believer. If we humbly criticize ourselves, we can avoid judgement in this life, which can include illness and can be as extreme as death (I Corinthians 11:27-31). You might be wondering why I’d be concerned about my personal sin possibly causing Carla to have health problems. Consider the fact that God, as a result of King David’s sin, gave David the option of having a plague in the land as the result of David’s personal sin (II Samuel 24:11-13). God uses lots of different kinds of things to bring disobedient children back to His side, and there are neither logical nor scriptural reasons why He could not use cancer in Carla’s life as a means to deal with me. When I asked God about this, His answer was immediate, simple, and clear. He reminded me of this discussion with his disciples:

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. (John 9:1-3 ESV)

Carla’s diagnosis is not the result of any sin in my life or her life but is intended to be used to show God’s works to others. We don’t yet know what that will look like.

Second, I’m supposed to respond to Carla in an understanding manner. This is, in fact, a command to any husband that is a child of God:

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (I Peter 3:7 ESV)

Sometimes men say that they “don’t understand women,” and the implication is that they just can’t understand their wives. While a husband may have a difficult time understanding his wife, God still expects the husband to treat her in an understanding manner. I like the way Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown put it in their commentary: We must be “acting with tenderness and forbearance accordingly: wisely: with wise consideration.” In this case, the general characteristics and medical care of Carla’s leukemia and my lymphoma are almost eerily similar, and God has thoroughly and uniquely prepared me to relate to her and support her. I must say, though, I find that it’s a little weird to be comparing PET scan experiences with her.

Third, God is always right in everything that He does, and He is directing the course of human events. I’d like to echo Abraham’s words when he was reasoning with God about the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah:

Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?

(Genesis 18:25 KJV)

A Small Cancer Milestone

It’s been a little over three and a half years since my ENT surgeon spoke to me on the phone and said, “Yes, you have cancer.” God has worked on me a great deal during that time, and continues to do so. I go to the GHS Cancer Institute for my medical care, and Dr. Joe Stephenson is my oncologist. I’m very thankful for him. He listens to any questions I have and gives good answers, and I love the fact that he allows me to look at test results with him. And ask more questions.

I’ve been seeing Joe regularly every six months, and I told him that I want to avoid scans (CT and PET) as much as possible because I don’t want to get too much radiation, which can potentially cause problems, but I’ve had them whenever necessary. Consequently, my regular checkups involve blood tests. If I find something that concerns me, then I go in sooner, and I’ve always been able to get an appointment when I need one.

On Wednesday this week I had another regular checkup, and it was the usual stuff. The phlebotomist took my blood and analyzed it. Stand on the scale, get the blood pressure cuff put on, have my temperature taken. As always, my blood work looked great. Dr. Stephenson palpated me in areas where there are large numbers of lymph nodes to see if there were any changes that would concern him. He said that after he sees a patient for a while, he develops a memory of what that patient’s body is like. In other words, he retains a sense of where my specific lymph nodes are and their sizes. He has a good feeling of where I’m at and the rate at which my follicular lymphoma is progressing. Here’s the milestone: It’s progressing so slowly that he suggested that we change from a six-month schedule to a nine-month schedule. Yahoo!!!

I intend to continue to avoid chemotherapy for as long as I can. Of course, there may come a time when I’ll need to reconsider that, and I hope that there will be a cure before that happens. I’ve asked God to heal me, and I’m very thankful that people have prayed for me. I don’t care whether God cures me by way of natural or supernatural means: In either case, the cure would come from Him:

Every good and perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,

who does not change like shifting shadows.

(James 1:17 NIV)

Surprise!

As frail creatures, we are susceptible to many maladies, particularly when we get older. Alzheimer’s disease, which afflicted my father, is a particularly tough one. Changes in the brain lead to confusion, forgetfulness, and decreases in reasoning ability and the ability to concentrate. We observed many changes in him as he lived with us for about the last four and one-half years of his life. Sometimes he would hallucinate, as he was doing when he insisted that there was a man from the gas company outside on the driveway. With his advanced macular degeneration, he had serious problems seeing, and it appeared that he thought that a drink we gave him in bed floated over to him. It didn’t occur to him that this was unreasonable, and he found it entertaining. I don’t know how much of that was hallucination, how much was inadequate eyesight, and how much was an inability to reason properly. He was also convinced that Buster (his dog) conversed with him. Now, if you’re old and you’re hallucinating, imagining that your dog talks to you isn’t such a bad thing. One day Carla heard some unusual sounds coming through the door of the kitchenette in Dad’s in-law suite. Dad was speaking loudly and forcefully to Buster, and she paused to find out what was going on.

Dad had an interesting military career. He served in the National Guard from 1935-1938, then the Army from 1938-1941 in the field artillery, and then in the Army from 1942-1945 in the air force. He had three sets of honorable discharge papers, and that’s very unusual. During WWII, he was a staff sergeant in the 69^th Service Squadron of the Fifth Air Force (stationed in the South Pacific), and he was in charge of a crew of 30 men responsible for repairing the aluminum skins on damaged bombers and fighters. He was used to giving orders and accustomed to being obeyed. On this particular day in our home, his mind was back in the South Pacific in the 1940’s: He was barking out orders to Buster. “Soldier, when I say move, you move!” Carla heard Buster’s nails go clickety-clickety-click across the hardwood floor as he responded. “When I say stop, you stop! Now stop!” Buster came to a screeching halt. On and on it went, and poor Buster never did figure out what was going on. Staff Sergeant Vogt expected his men—and his dog—to respond immediately.

As I recently began reading the gospel of Mark, I was struck by the number of times the word immediately is used. The Greek word is used 80 times in the New Testament (mostly in the gospels), and half of those are in Mark. In the King James Version, this word is translated as either straightway, forthwith, immediately, anon, or as soon as. In the English Standard Version, all instances are translated as immediately. For example, after Jesus told Simon (Peter) and Andrew to follow him they “immediately they left their nets and followed him.” (Mark 1:18 ESV) This surprises me, and it was commendable. After the daughter of Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, had died, Jesus went to her body, and “taking her by the hand he said to her, ‘Talitha cumi,’ which means, ‘Little girl, I say to you, arise.’ And immediately the girl got up and began walking, and they were immediately overcome with amazement.” (Mark 5:41-42 ESV) Wow, what a miraculous surprise! God directed a rapid healing process after I broke my back in 2011—this was a delightful surprise, and to this day I have few limitations from it. After struggling for many years with impatience, anger, and a lack of kindness, I was surprised that He rapidly gave me a substantial measure of success.

Now, this is all very well and good, because we like to see good things happen immediately. Sometimes, though, bad things happen immediately. Consider the plight of John the Baptist. He correctly pointed out to Herod that it was illegal for him to have married Herodias, who had been the wife of Herod’s brother. Herodias took umbrage at this, and she lurked until she had her chance for revenge. During one of Herod’s birthday bashes, her daughter performed a dance. Here’s what happened:

For when Herodias's daughter came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his guests. And the king said to the girl, “Ask me for whatever you wish, and I will give it to you.” And he vowed to her, “Whatever you ask me, I will give you, up to half of my kingdom.” And she went out and said to her mother, “For what should I ask?” And she said, “The head of John the Baptist.” And she came in immediately with haste to the king and asked, saying, “I want you to give me at once the head of John the Baptist on a platter.” And the king was exceedingly sorry, but because of his oaths and his guests he did not want to break his word to her. And immediately the king sent an executioner with orders to bring John's head. He went and beheaded him in the prison and brought his head on a platter and gave it to the girl, and the girl gave it to her mother. (Mark 6:22-28 ESV)

This is probably not how most people expected John’s career to end. Couldn’t God have prevented it? Why didn’t He? If God loves me, then why does He allow me to suffer? If God is so powerful, then why does life have so many bad surprises in it? Such questions don’t have simple answers.

What about my cancer? Let me tell you what, when the doctor on the other end of the phone line says, “Yeah, you have cancer,” it’s a very bad surprise. Life is actually pretty short, and I’m not saying that only because I’m in my early 60’s and have less of it to live. No, I have the advantage of perspective that I didn’t have 30 years ago: Life really is short, and it was short back then. In spite of our understanding of time and how it appears to be curved by gravity and that we can use this knowledge to correct GPS satellite clocks so that we can get to Aunt Helen’s house on time for the warm apple pie and vanilla ice cream without getting lost, we still live our lives trapped in time. God isn’t. Although we are created in His image, we are not the same.

For a thousand years in your sight,

are but as yesterday when it is past,

or as a watch in the night.

(Psalm 90:4 ESV)

But do not overlook this one fact, beloved,

that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years,

and a thousand years as one day.

(II Peter 3:8 ESV)

Taken together with the rest of the Bible, these verses don’t mean that God is old—they mean that He stands outside of time. He is the master of time, all-powerful, and the master of the universe. Sometimes there are bad surprises that we don’t understand, and it’s OK for us to go to God and explain to Him that we don’t think we have done anything wrong to merit them. But we must still trust him. I like the way the 19^th century Bible teacher John Darby renders Job’s response in his literal translation of the Bible:

Behold, if he slay me, yet would I trust in him;

but I will defend mine own ways before him.

(Job 13:15 Darby)